


expanse

by weatherzane



Series: galaxy [1]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-01
Updated: 2015-07-01
Packaged: 2018-04-07 01:33:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,663
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4244514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weatherzane/pseuds/weatherzane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A quasar, a red dwarf star, a super-Earth, a nebula, and an open cluster of stars walk into a bar…</p><p>…and are reincarnated into five band members, who sometimes get glimpses into their past lives.</p><p>- * - * - * - * -</p><p>A galaxy collapsing is a breathtaking show. And the quasar left behind is one of the most baffling, beautiful enigmas of the ever-expanding universe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	expanse

Have you ever watched a galaxy collapse?

It’s a bit like a building, but on a scale unimaginably larger. Take the Earth, home to countless trillions of organisms, big and small, plain and ornate, arctic and tropical, and everything in-between. Zoom out as far as you can conceive, until the whole planet--teeming with life of every kind, each with its own unique perspective--is just a pinprick. A pixel on your computer screen. Then back up even further, until you can see all arms of the galaxy at once. Now imagine, like a frustrated artist or author’s paper, the edges of the Milky Way… curling into itself, balling up, rolling and ripping and crumbling. Falling.

Now picture this enormous galaxy starts tipping, tilting into its neighbor, nearly its twin, brimming just as full of life and potential. These two immeasurably huge behemoths, these giants, begin to erode into one another, to lose the edges of what separates them, to become one.

Then they _explode_.

And in their place, a burning light, a hundred times brighter than the Milky Way, pulsing energy and warmth. But, in the center, gnawing, forever hungry, lies a supermassive black hole, with a mass two billion times than that of the Sun of our solar system.

A galaxy collapsing is a breathtaking show. And the quasar left behind is one of the most baffling, beautiful enigmas of the ever-expanding universe.

∞ ∞ ∞ ∞ ∞

Zayn stands under the awning of the latest hotel, leaning against the "EMPLOYEES ONLY" sign bolted to the door, lit cigarette tip the only warmth to be found. He takes a long drag, pulls the smoke down into his lungs like he's starving for it, drawing it into himself--eerily reminiscent of the black hole from ages past, unknown to him. He watches the streetcars and straggling pedestrians as the spate of rain chases them, distantly interested. As he taps the ash off the end of his cig, he tries to imagine what each of these people were doing. Maybe she was out getting food for her three dogs, all sitting in a row by her front window, whining for her return. Perhaps he had dashed out to pick up the diamond ring he'd put on layaway; he hadn't planned on proposing so soon, but things were rushed along.

A figure stepping up beside him and slipping the cigarette out of his hand breaks his train of thought. He knows who it is, who it always is. He smiles quietly, examines the branching crack in the cement. "Tommo."

"Mm." Louis takes two puffs in quick succession, the smoke streaming out his nostrils as well as his mouth. The constant foot tapping betrays his restless energy--clearly he hadn't had any pot today, then. Zayn laughs, soft and fond, wrestles his cig back. "Get your own, ya no-good thief."

"What an _insult_ ," Louis scoffs, hand over heart. "From me own bandmate. I can't believe this." Zayn rolls his eyes, smile aching in his cheeks. "Disrespectin' me now, unbelievable!" Zayn shoves blindly at Louis' shoulder.

He gets a sudden flash of _red_. Nothing but _red_. He blinks hard. The 18-wheeler's taillights roar down the road, glaring scarlet, reflected a thousand times in the puddles in the asphalt. It labors through a right turn, disappearing around the bend with a parting belch of exhaust fumes. Zayn blinks again, shakes his head.

Louis scritches a quick hand through his hair, mussing it so it sticks up seven ways. "Right, well, I'm headin' in. Had enough fresh air for one evenin'. You comin' in?" He bites his lip, looks over at Zayn. Frowns. "Mate." Zayn turns to him, eyes so far away he might have been in another world.

Before Louis can say anything else--ask what's wrong, crack a joke--Zayn's wrapped his arms around Louis, pulled him in for a hug. Louis, startled, pats Zayn's back, winds an arm around him. Zayn buries his face in the crook of Louis' neck; Louis feels a flush rising. " _Mate_ ," he repeats, voice wavery, heart pounding.

Zayn lets go, moves away, not making eye contact. He can feel the emptiness in his center growing, forces himself to breathe deep and steady, to fight the sadness. Louis lists toward him without thinking, instinctively wanting to be near Zayn again, just as a black hole draws everything towards it, hypnotic in its gravitational pull.

Louis leaves without another word, fingers twitching and eyes overbright. Zayn scrubs his free hand over his face, presses against his eyes. He's been feeling… _barren_ inside since, well, since the beginning, but more often in the last year or so. Like a gnawing against his ribs, aching for isolation, feeding off his loneliness. He knows he shouldn't indulge it, knows he should talk to his friends, that's what they're there for. But sometimes smoking a cigarette down to the filter and tasting the breeze, all by himself, with the dull roar of his mates' carousing rising to him through the floor or wall… it feels sweeter than any party ever could.

"'Lo?" Niall's voice pokes a bright hole in Zayn's stormcloud thoughts. He walks up beside Zayn, sticks his hands in his pockets and rocks, heel to toe. "What's happenin'?"

Zayn sighs, drops the cig onto the cement and snuffs it out. "Not much. Jus' takin' some me time. You?"

Niall shrugs. "Thought I'd come say hi. You kinda disappeared on us." He puts a hand on Zayn's shoulder, a solid point of warmth. Zayn shivers. He takes Niall's hand and slowly threads their fingers together. They hold hands for a minute or so before Niall rests his cheek on Zayn's shoulder, the same spot his hand had been. The sadness in his chest starts to crack, break up, erode. He smiles, brings Niall's hand up to his mouth, kisses his knuckles.

Niall huffs out a breathy laugh, rubs his forehead in the bend of Zayn's neck. "Figured you might need some company. Know how rowdy the others can get." He blinks, soft butterfly kisses. "And me. Sorry."

Zayn sniffs, suddenly speechless. Emotion swells in his chest, too potent to fight back, climbs up his throat and clogs it like tears. His head spins, he squeezes Niall's hand, hopes he doesn't worry him. He can't even tell if he's happy or sad or a strange mixture of both; his heart feels like a battlefield, overwhelming life and stifling death mixing and curdling and blowing apart his ribcage.

He shudders, blinks, warm tears spill over his cheeks and drip onto the ground, blend seamless into the standing pools of rainwater around them. He feels like he might die, like he might burn up.

"Y'alright? …Zayn?" Niall's picked his head up, but hasn't moved away. He's peering over Zayn's shoulder, trying to see his face, but Zayn can't let him see, can't show Niall his tears. How could he ever explain them? He has no words for the overwhelming _feeling_ , nothing to say. "Hey, are you cryin'? What…"

Zayn starts panicking, needs to pull away, doesn't want to bring Niall down with him. But Niall is moving too fast for him: he takes a few steps so he's facing Zayn, cups Zayn's face in his hands, gently thumbs at the tear tracks. There's still so much roiling through him, so many emotions flashing around his mind--

"Hey." Niall dredges him up from the depths of his thoughts, and everything in his voice, his face, his starry clear blue eyes, sings _Safe_. "Hey, hey, hey, it's okay. Dunno what's got you cryin', but you're alright. I gotcha, yeah?" Zayn can't stop frantically blinking, the tears just won't stop flowing. He finds himself falling to his knees, arms looping Niall's legs, smearing his face into Niall's hip, ignoring how his jeans chafe his cheek.

He lets himself go.

He sobs, huge chest-wracking shudders. Niall runs gentle fingers through Zayn's hair, lets him cry himself dry, gathers him up when he's quiet again, shaking fit to faint. He stays with Zayn, forces him to drink some microwave-heated tea, munch a few biscuits from his emergency pack. He sits next to Zayn on his hotel bed, rubs his back. He says nothing. Zayn is grateful for it; he's not sure he has anything to say.

Niall's phone jangles, buzzes in his pocket. Zayn, tearing skin off his bottom lip, starts and bites. He sucks his lip, grimaces at the blood starting to trickle. Niall sighs. "Liam wants me t' go watch a film with him on his laptop. Said somethin' about Mad Max." Zayn just stares at his hands in his lap. "I can tell him I'm busy." Zayn shakes his head, but silently screams for Niall to stay. He needs Niall's warmth. "Mm." Niall's thumbs tap out a quick message, then he shoves his phone back in his pocket.

Zayn closes his eyes, waits for Niall to murmur out a quiet, "'Bye." The bedsprings creak, but Niall only stands up so he can gently push Zayn to lie back on the bed. "Told Liam I'd be stayin' in. Maybe play some games on my phone." He blinks down at the bedspread, starts absently chewing on his thumbnail. "…Don't have t' leave, if you don't want."

With a quiet little sigh, Zayn reaches up and wraps his fingers around Niall's bony wrist. He tugs hard enough that Niall has to shift his weight and lean his good knee on the bed. He's giggling a little, hiding his face in his free hand. "Zaaayn," he lilts, bringing his other knee up and wobbling around to the empty side of the bed. He flops onto his back, stares up at the ceiling. Then, so quiet Zayn can barely hear it, Niall murmurs, "Thanks."

As Zayn's eyes slide closed, he gets a sudden image of thousands of bright white points of light, dancing and spinning and shining in the darkness of space. It warms him, helps him slide into sleep.

**Author's Note:**

> So a friend of mine and I decided 1D needed to be celestial bodies in a past life. It is fascinating to think about, though the research is a bit head-spinning. Hope you enjoy, and I don't get too pretentious.
> 
> (Cheat sheet: Zayn was a quasar, Louis was a red dwarf, Liam was a super-Earth, Harry was a nebula, and Niall was an open cluster of stars.)


End file.
